Re-Covering in God: 40 Days Wrestling with God

I lost my joy of loving God and loving others as myself, as I expressed my thirsting and hungering for God in unhealthy ways. Instead of utilizing God’s light to guide me, I often turned to alcohol and the -isms that had become part of my life: workaholism, perfectionism, caretakerism, and athleticism.

My refusal to accept that I had developed the disease of alcoholism, after drinking normally for twenty-five years, created insane scenarios, as I turned to alcohol for relief when in a state of dis-ease with life; but that relief valve became my enemy. This was further complicated by doctors not understanding alcoholism and the consequences of prescribing medications to me for pain and anxiety. As I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I thought I walked alone.

My heart, soul, body, and mind wrestled with God over my denial of this disease called alcoholism. How could I, a Christian for over fifty years, be struggling with this disease? How could I have hurt God, others, and me? How could I be such a poor witness? Would I face the truth with God and let Him reveal the damage done to my foundation? Would I face God, myself, and others and make amends? Or would I continue to run and hide in my alcoholism and other -isms?

As I turned to God, His light revealed to me the truth about myself and what I needed to do in order to be in His will. As I choose to be recovered in God’s Spirit each moment, the spirits of alcoholism and other -isms flee; but only as long as I choose to “Be still (cease striving) know God” and live In His will, not mine.